"The presence of God is the finest of rewards."
- Life of Pi -
Sometimes, I long for those moments of peace and solitude when I can converse freely with God. Those moments when I can successfully block out all the noise, the incessant voices of the crowds telling me what I should or should not do. That's incorrect. This behavior is haram. It's better if you do it this way...
Muslims are instructed to continuously seek knowledge, but as much as I love learning more about the deen (the Islamic way of life), researching controversial issues and points of debate can leave me mentally drained. But where does the exasperation originate?
I'm tired of feeling less-than
A product of society
Inadequacy fastened
Worn and embodied.
I love Islam and the health and beauty derived from walking along the Straight Path. I wear my hijab with pride and confidence, and I see the pluralism and diversity that exists within the global Muslim community as an amazing blessing. But I don't like being made to feel that my every breath and every move is somehow wrong.
Islam is all-encompassing, which means that how one thinks, speaks, dresses, eats, and more are influenced by the deen. For a while now, I've been contemplating the fourth action on that list. There are varying interpretations about dietary restrictions when it comes to consuming meat. It seems that an increasing number of scholars are espousing the "zabiha-only" argument - that is, the idea that Muslims should eat meat strictly slaughtered and prepared according to Islamic standards. Many, if not all, of my good friends adhere to this, and at times I feel ashamed that I don't (Note: There are Muslims who follow an alternative interpretation that says it is permissible to eat meat from the People of the Book - Christians and Jews). It's not that I don't want to. Believe me, the idea of knowing that animals are treated well, living in sanitary conditions, and killed completely humanely, and that the meat is blessed and cooked separately from pork products, is certainly appealing. That's what zabiha is about: Consuming pure meat that has been blessed in the name of Allah and has been derived from an animal who was slaughtered in a humane manner.
But this is something I've struggled with since embracing Islam. Despite the fact that Islamic stores and butcher-shops, as well as restaurants that sell halal-zabiha meat dishes, do exist, they can still be hard to come by. Many Muslims become semi-vegetarians in the public sphere of America, substituting salad, seafood, and pasta for meat when they go out to dinner or eat in a university cafeteria. This becomes a bit tricky when you're someone who hates seafood and has been a little picky with vegetables since childhood...
Sure, I've gotten better, but my taste buds are a still an obstacle. I'm genuinely concerned that I would struggle to eat healthy, well-balanced meals if I cut most of the meat I currently eat out of my diet without having much access to zabiha meat. Another obstacle is my background. I love being a convert, but because my family is Christian, adopting a zabiha-only lifestyle would introduce difficulties in the kitchen at home. I can't ask my parents to travel to other cities so they can purchase meat that I'll eat. At the same time, I can't ask them to prepare separate, non-meat dishes for me every time I visit or am at home during the summer. It's a hardship I don't want to impose.
"Islam is not a state of being, but it is a process of becoming."
- Yusuf Islam -
God willing, maybe I'll acquire the resources and capability to eat zabiha down the road. I'd like to try it in grad school when I'm living in my own apartment. For now, I have to do what I'm able to. But I don't want to be watched with condescending eyes, told that my supplications will not be answered and that I will be disgraced and insulted because of my "negligence," just like women who don't yet (or may never) wear the headscarf don't want to be pushed and prodded. They want the freedom to explore their relationship with God and to make choices that work for them when the time is right.
There is a way to promote physical and spiritual well-being without berating or belittling people. To me, this approach to educating Muslims (and even non-Muslims) is one reason why many view Islam as restrictive or intimidating. I was drawn to the faith, but even I experienced a strange feeling in the pit of my stomach when I read certain scholarly arguments. There was an emphasis on the sinful nature of human beings and a need to highlight all the bad influences in the world - and particularly in the United States. I am not denying that there are negative influences, but I desperately wish to see the emphasis placed on our fitrah (our moral compass/inclination toward God) and our niyyah (intention, which is how Muslims believe God will judge their actions) - on the potential for people to practice their religion with sincerity and excellence, while remembering that we sometimes stumble. We know that we'll fall short because we aren't infallible, but we still turn to God anyway.
Scolding and condescension stunt my growth. If I am going to develop, I need positive nourishment. That's why I long for those quiet moments, when I know God is listening and sees the intention in my heart.
It is reported that the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said:
"Religion is very easy and whoever overburdens himself in his religion will not be able to continue in that way. So you should not be extremists, but try to be near to perfection and receive the good tidings that you will be rewarded; and gain strength by worshiping in the mornings, the nights."
(Sahih al-Bukhari)
Embrace.
