Pumpkin Pie & Life Lessons

"If you would count up the favors of Allah, never would you be able to number them, for Allah is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful."

- Qur'an (16:18) - 

Thanksgiving is not about celebrating the hyperbole of a historical event between European pilgrims and Native Americans centuries ago. It's a time to surround yourself with loved ones and to remind yourself of all you've been given. Sometimes, however, it takes more than a slice of pumpkin pie topped with a dollop of cool whip to remind you of the importance of gratitude.  

This time of year, we are taught to count our blessings. The thing about gifts is that they come in a variety of shapes and sizes, and the ones we receive are not always what we were originally hoping for. But blessings frequently come in disguise, and when we become distracted by the illusion of what is presented before us, we sometimes miss the most significant part of a gift: The very reason it has been given.

The ugly sweater... It's the quintessential holiday cliché, the gift so thoughtfully wrapped by a distant relative and so thoughtlessly tossed aside by the recipient. It is only when a natural disaster has destroyed your home that you cling closely to the one remaining article of clothing that can provide warmth and security.

Everything happens for a reason, even if it takes some time to understand and appreciate the "whys" and "hows" underlying the "whats." I've been challenged in many different ways over the past two years, and though I've felt distressed, the experiences have always resulted in growth, self-reflection, and ultimately, contentment. The process is not always easy; as a matter of fact, it rarely ever is. But the personal struggle for patience and perseverance makes the outcome worthwhile.

In September, my doctor found a small tumor in my chest that left me unsettled, though we are fairly confident it is benign.  In October, I felt that all of my efforts to be a successful Campus Ambassador for the Half the Sky Movement and to organize campaigns that would sincerely make a difference were fruitless. In November, I briefly blacked out in the hallway of an academic building, resulting in a bloody laceration from my lip to my nose and trauma and damage to my teeth. Time and time again, I felt that walls were being erected to block me from moving forward and to leave me broken down and exhausted.

But I was my biggest obstacle.

Sometimes lessons come in the form of physical or emotional pain, but always, they are there to teach and nourish. Those late-night visits to the gym leave us sore and tired the following day, but over time, they do strengthen us. God never gives us more than we can bear, and if anything is taken away from us, it is only because He is planning to give us something better in return. Maybe it won't be obvious at first, and perhaps our prayers won't be answered quite in the way we had in mind, but we must be willing to acknowledge and embrace the gifts in our lives.

This past week, many beliefs, values, and ideas have been revealed to or reinforced for me. What began as a traumatic experience ended with the knowledge that I have a tremendous number of people who care about me and that I, myself, am strong and resilient - even in the face of shock and adversity. I realized that a beautiful smile is far less valuable than a beautiful heart, and I was shown that patience and love go hand in hand, that I was right not to give up when I encountered true tests of faith in the past. And I was reminded that "it is only in the darkest nights that the stars shine more brilliantly" (Ali, may God accept him) - that beautiful things can be born from tragedies and that unfortunate experiences often present themselves to put the fortune that we possess, material and immaterial, into perspective.

"We spend so much time asking God to cure us of our hardships, yet we never stop to consider that our hardships are curing us."

- Yasmin Mogahed - 

You see, the Creator is far wiser than His creation. Humans struggle to come to terms with difficult life events, but that's only because they lack the foreknowledge to see their outcome. We can watch the fading sunset with sadness, mourning the loss of another day and fixating on the difficulties we encountered, or we can gaze at the peach and magenta clouds and the remaining flecks of sunlight with admiration, learning from today and hoping for tomorrow.

I, for one, choose to learn.

Embrace. 

Think Before You Speak: More Than an Adage

"A small group of thoughtful people could change the world.
Indeed, it's the only thing that ever has."

- Margaret Mead -

Gay. Retard. Pussy.

Communication bridges gaps between human beings and is essential for expression and useful for empathy. But words can also be detrimental. They serve another purpose sometimes - a less noble cause. Sometimes they break down barriers, but other times, they break down people.

There were some trends of the 90s and early 2000s that we'd all like to forget. No, I am not at all referencing the pop culture; I will forever adore the jams, the Nickelodean cartoons, the family-friendly sitcoms, and the classic Disney films. I may be referring to some of the questionable fashion choices that I, and others, made. But I have to admit that, like most kids in my generation, I once participated in some trendy behaviors that were much more severe in nature and in consequence than the decision to wear a hideous yellow polka jumpsuit on the first day of 4th grade. 

Words like "gay" and "retard" crept into our colloquial vocabulary and were used inaccurately and inappropriately. These terms were adopted and tainted with negative connotations, and soon, they were used as jokes and insults at the expense of many. People were both directly and indirectly affected. On the one hand, we might call a thing or situation "gay" if we don't like it, which hurt some individuals who identified with the LBGTQ community because we made "gay" a synonym for "bad" or "uncool." Some also used derogatory terms like "fag." On the other hand, we might call someone "retarded" to mock their intelligence or athletic ability, thus implying that individuals with mental disabilities are stupid, inferior, and lack talents and skills.

I am so incredibly thankful that I never really engaged in bullying as a child, but unfortunately, many people have been perpetrators or victims. And, even if you have not directly bullied another individual, that doesn't justify or legitimize the inappropriate use of "gay" or "retarded" in a social context. I remember making these kinds of statements in casual conversation among friends early on in middle school ("That's so retarded!"), but I also remember becoming enlightened and realizing that, even though I had never once intended for it to be offensive, it inherently was. It was a horrible linguistic habit I had to break, and I'm happy to say that I did and that it's been years since I've used such a phrase.

For months now, I've been wanting to write a post about mindful use of language. It continually simmered on my creative and cognitive back burner as I wrote about other topics. But it was always present, and it's come to the forefront in recent months. The timing of this is quite relevant, as I just learned about Ann Coulter's use of the word "retard" on Twitter and the letter that Special Olympics athlete and global messenger John Franklin Stephens composed in response (check it out: http://specialolympicsblog.wordpress.com/2012/10/23/an-open-letter-to-ann-coulter/). 

It's also come to mind time and time again that terms describing women's genitalia have been used to mock friends or rival sports teams. I can't explain the anger I feel when I hear a guy call someone a "pussy" - or, for that matter, the disappointment I feel when I hear a girl say something like this. I don't even like when that word is used to refer to sexual activity, let alone used synonymously with "weak," "wimp," or "coward." In all fairness, we probably shouldn't use "dick" or really any anatomical feature as an insult. Since when did we decide that neutral terms for the human body were useful for expressing our disgust and humiliating or putting down others?

Words are beautiful, powerful, vivid. They've provided a means of communication and produced multiple art forms. Yet they are misused and leave people mistreated. We've all heard "think before you speak" and "think before you act," but it's about time we listen to this advice and put it into practice. A compilation of words is not all that we are, but these terms do help us make sense of ourselves and those around us. Be mindful of language and be thoughtful toward others. Black, white, brown, male, female, man, woman, questioning, tall, petite, wealthy, poor, gay, straight, religious, secular...

Whoever you are, know that whatever you are, whatever labels people use, whatever descriptive words people employ (whether employed appropriately or in a derogatory manner)... Know that you are loved and that you matter.

Embrace.

Transcendence

"Human progress is neither automatic nor inevitable. Every step toward the goal of justice requires sacrifice, suffering, and struggle... the tireless exertions and passionate concern of dedicated individuals."

- Martin Luther King, Jr. -

"Transcendence"

I believe

That yesterday's hope is tomorrow's action
But today's a limbo state
Complacency, satisfaction
The markers of a static being
When love is rationed
And through silence, oppression breathes
And devastates passion

And he believes

That yesterday's wish is tomorrow's progress
But he wakes up every morning
Just to face a contest
Himself against the mirror
Inferiority complex
Through the hateful words he fears
A breakdown of confidence

And she believes

That yesterday's dream is tomorrow's reality
But the record's on repeat
Stuck in the cycle of poverty
Grasping for crumbs that fall
From the tabletops of society
Through institutional injustices
That define propriety

And they believe

That yesterday's ambition is tomorrow's achievement
But the media's intentions
Bring social death and bereavement
Stereotypes mentioned
They ask, why don't you leave it?
Leave your identity on the boat
That brought you to this land of "freedom"

But often we believe...

That one idea cannot reveal and touch humanity 
Simplistic visions aren't sufficient for shaping complexity
A single thought is far too small to hold any meaning
Meanwhile problems are perpetuated while solutions are sleeping

So I believe

That yesterday's hope is tomorrow's action
And today's a limbo state
Complacency, satisfaction
But I won't be stationary
Or let love be rationed
I'll speak up so justice breathes
Awakening passion.

Why I Love Islam... But Not Always Muslims

“Those who show no mercy to others 

will have no mercy shown to them by Allah.”

- The Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) -

Yesterday was a day of extreme pain for some, of remembrance and patriotic sentiment for all. Yesterday marked the 11th anniversary of the 9/11 tragedy, and though it was filled with prayers, heart-wrenching photographs, and national moments of silence, it was tainted by cruel actions abroad: Violent anti-American protests in Libya and Egypt over an ignorant film made about Islam and the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him).

Islam is a tradition and way of life, and I am so blessed to have embraced it, but I cannot always extend that same warmth to my fellow Muslims. An absence of love does not imply a presence of hate, and I will try to refrain from despising anyone, including the "Muslims" who are responsible for yesterday's destructive and deadly attacks at the U.S. embassies. I will also bite my tongue when I feel the urge to yell, "They aren't really Muslim!" You see, the minimal requirement to be a follower of Islam is the acceptance of and belief in the Shahadah (translated: There is no god but Allah (One God), and Muhammad is the Messenger of God). Whether or not an individual travels beyond this and chooses to pray, fast, repent, act charitably, adopt humility and modesty, and so on and so forth is his or her choice. This decision is not something I can judge, as I have been created. Only the Creator has the knowledge and power to look inside one's heart and judge the intention of one's words and actions.

So while I cannot clearly determine the sincere Muslims from those who lack sincerity, I can say that it is challenging to call radical and violent people my brothers and sisters in Islam. How can they be my brothers and sisters in Islam if they intentionally harm my brothers and sisters in humanity - especially innocent people? How is it justifiable to take anger at one filmmaker (and a group of his supporters) and then target the entire American Public and its politicians... and on a day of extreme mourning? 

The simple answer is: It's not. The more complex answer is: It's not, but it happens anyway, and what are the ramifications?

American Muslims have spent over a decade trying to defend themselves and the religion they follow, trying to break any attachment to the 9/11 attacks that have been formed in the minds and imaginations of many. We must be proactive, showing people the truth about Islam through our good character and by engaging in da'wah (educating other about Islam) and interfaith dialogues to help non-Muslims understand our beliefs, our practices, and our shared commitment to social justice. We must not be apologetic, but we must also refrain from being polemic.

It is necessary that I state my condemnation of the anti-Islamic film created by a man calling himself "Sam Bacile," but I must equally condemn the responses of those radical Muslims in North Africa. I am even a bit frustrated with Mitt Romney's criticism of the Obama Administration's statements, which spoke of religious tolerance and respecting Islamic beliefs (I would argue that making such a statement, Mr. Romney, does not "sympathize with those who waged the attacks," as the statements were intended for the Muslim community as a whole, not just the extremist attackers). I'm upset over Bacile's actions, but seeking revenge on innocent Americans is not acceptable. Being vengeful is not being proactive.

I love Islam. I love the teachings about mercy and forgiveness. I love the way in which arrogance is considered the worst of all vices. I love the belief that men and women are spiritually equal before God. I love the emphasis on patience and perseverance. I love the respect granted toward all prophets and messengers. I love the intimate connection with God established through prayer and fasting. I love the notion that we are not tainted by Original Sin. I love that we are judged by our intentions. I love the cultural diversity. I love the logic behind the boundaries and regulations established. And so much more. 

But I do not always love Muslims.

Some might argue that one cannot have religion without adherents, as the latter serve as expressions of said religion. I can empathize with that proposition, but it needs a very important qualification: Islam and Muslims can be separated when humans act in a way that clearly contradicts the divine words of the Qur'an, or in a way that goes against the characteristics and values espoused by the Prophet (peace be upon him). After all, the Qur'an and Sunnah provide the framework for our understanding of Islam as a comprehensive, all-encompassing way of life. Yes, it is true that even the divine must be interpreted by humankind, but, as a religious studies minor, I know that is a can of worms best saved for another time. My point is not to debate over sacred text or interpretation, but to make it clear that Muslims have, across space and time, done things that are not supported by Islamic teachings (or by the majority of the world's Muslim population). This includes murder, suicide-bombing, and various forms of oppression.

At the end of the day, whether that day happens to be the anniversary of a national catastrophe or any other Tuesday, people will behave in unfortunate ways. Some will create films and other forms of media out of utter ignorance and prejudice; some who say they believe in the Shahadah will commit deplorable acts of unnecessary retaliation. Let these experiences humble us and help us - Christians, Muslims, Buddhists, Atheists, or whomever else - seek knowledge and make peace.

Embrace.

Chasing Sunlight

"Someone was hurt before you, wronged before you, hungry before you, frightened before you, beaten before you, humiliated before you, raped before you…yet, someone survived…You can do anything you choose to do."

- Maya Angelou -

I often wonder how long it will take humankind to realize that hatred is not only tragic, but also thoroughly unproductive and self-destructive. Yes, self-destructive. Aggressive or violent behavior may harm the victim, but it also hurts the perpetrator. Shouting racist remarks, shooting masses of people, burning buildings used for worship... that doesn't prove that you are strong and victorious or that evil prevails. It makes the individual weak, ignorant, and cowardly. 

"Victims" are not inherently victims. They're the ones who are brave and strong, with an opportunity to be resilient and forgiving despite facing immense adversity. They are the ones who grow; they are the ones with the real power because they can choose to show mercy and find flecks of sunlight amidst a cloud-laden sky. Even those who have not survived tragedies leave us with the spirit of perseverance - a feeling, a sense, that we must continue moving forward. In the end, people who commit atrocities drown in their own hatred and are never able to truly be content because hate breeds hate and hinders our capacity to form meaningful relationships and to live with purpose.

"Stars may be seen from the bottom of a deep well, when they cannot be discerned from the top of a mountain. So are many things learned in adversity which the prosperous man dreams not of. "

Sometimes it takes momentous trials and horrendous tribulations to reveal strength, beauty, and a deeper meaning of some kind. Such a discovery may take minutes, or it may take a lifetime, but it's a journey reserved for those who are courageous enough to love and to live.

My heart and my thoughts are with the American Sikh community, the Muslims of Burma and Syria, the members of refugee populations I have had the privilege to meet and serve during my internship at Freedom House, and anyone else who has refused to lose hope.

Embrace.

Created to Be

"If you judge people, you have no time to love them."

- Mother Teresa -

 "Be"

Terrorism, oppression, and East-West dichotomy:

Those are their thoughts when they see this hijab

But in the mirror, I stand as a woman to unveil hypocrisy

Home of the brave, land of the free

Why do they lack the courage required to stop defining me?

I am not a representation of my entire race

Nor a reflection of the ummah's breadth

But I am trapped in a single time and space

Where ignorant words and actions serve to disgrace

Me, my past, my religion, my birthplace

Yet as I turn to my brothers and sisters in faith

I don't always find opens hands and hearts

Because some hold their gaze in disdain

At my fashion, my diet, my music, my "American" ways

Shaking their heads at cultural distaste

So I speak on my behalf in negotiation

Sharing thoughts that I will own

Humanity has handed me psychological reparations

But I refuse to waste energy over a lack of appreciation

Wrestling with reactions that cloud me in frustration

Am I not white enough...

Muslim enough...

American enough...

Good enough?

Enough is enough.

Who are you to tell me who I am?

I am this heart, this soul, this mind, this body

All that I was created to be.

Where Shalom Meets Salaam

"For to be free is not merely to cast off one's chains, but to live in a way that respects and enhances the freedom of others"

- Nelson Mandela -

[retrieved from jmsmith.org]

How do you define "peace"? What constitutes peace and what influences our desire for it - or our lack of desire - under particular circumstances?

Depending on your worldview, you may answer these questions differently. I have no intention of providing a real response to them, but I do wish to express some personal opinions regarding the Israeli-Palestinian Conflict. Disclaimer: I recognize that this post may elicit backlash or that people may decide they vehemently disagree with me, so let's just agree to disagree.

I do not have friends and relatives living in Palestine or Israel, nor was I born into a Muslim or Jewish family. Rather, I was raised Christian, and I didn't know much about the Israeli-Palestinian Conflict for most of my life. I didn't really feel any kind of emotional or spiritual connection to it. In all honesty, I still do not have the emotional ties and attachment that many of my fellow Muslims have. It's true that I support the Palestinians in their movement to end oppression and social injustice, while I am critical of many of the decisions made by the Israeli government and military. But both sides are often caught in a tidal wave of fervor, and at times, this can erect a barrier not only between two people of different backgrounds, but between one's own heart and mind, between feelings and intellect. I'm pro-Palestine, but I'm also pro-peace.

I've recently completed a semester-long course on the history of the Holocaust. Fifteen weeks dedicated to reading, writing, discussing, and exploring the tragedy of Jewish Genocide, as well as the intricacies of WWI and WWII, the many other victims of the Nazi regime, and how all of this is represented and memorialized today. Zionism was certainly included in these discussions, along with the Jewish refugee crisis of the 1930s and early '40s and the establishment of Israel after the end of WWII. As I reflected on these historical details, I realized that I could understand why Jewish individuals from Europe would want to resettle and create a homeland. While there were Jewish Zionist organizations in existence prior to the Holocaust, the average European Jew was content with his or her citizenship and nationality. They were German, French, Dutch, Polish, Hungarian. The desire for an official Jewish homeland was not wholly supported until after the death of 6 million Jews in the wake of the total devastation of a world war and the Final Solution. Many survivors felt they could no longer attempt to integrate into European society. They struggled both physically and psychologically, and many would emigrate to Israel after its establishment as a nation-state.

I can also understand why Muslims would react with anger at their lives being turned upside down. Over the decades, many have lost their homes and have been forced to relocate. Before June 2010, there were numerous bans on imported goods in the Gaza Strip. At one time, imported pasta, books, musical instruments, mattresses, light bulbs, and wheelchairs were prohibited. There were cases in which humanitarian efforts were thwarted. I don't condone acts of terrorism, and I believe that suicide bombing is never truly justifiable by Islamic standards, but I can try to understand what would push a people so far - so close to the edge - when they feel they have been stripped of freedoms and when their homes have been taken from them. Unfortunately, Jewish resettlement often became replacement of the Muslims already there.

Both sides have a duty to educate themselves and to demonstrate empathy. They must both admit that they've turned to violence at times and that innocent civilians have been killed as a result. There have been misunderstandings and misrepresentations produced that only exacerbate the dangerous consequences associated with stereotypes and generalizations. Palestinians (and those who support them) are not all anti-Semites or people engaged in terrorism; Israelis (and those who support them) are not all Islamophobes or flaming Zionists. As a Muslim who believes Palestinians deserve freedom and justice just like anyone else, I should not have to defend myself with a claim that I'm not anti-Semitic. Having a problem with a government is not to be equated with having a problem with an entire religious or ethnic group. Prejudice and hatred are not fundamental precursors for political or humanitarian criticism. Similarly, Jews should not have to explain why the horrors of the Holocaust remain with them today or why some of them find solace and strength in their community in Israel. In 2005, Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad publicly denied the Holocaust ever happened. What is the underlying intention and motivation for such an ignorant and insensitive remark?

By sharing my thoughts with you, I am not asking you to change your opinion on the Israel-Palestinian Conflict. I'm asking you to think about how you interact with others - with those who agree with you and those who don't. I'm asking people to step beyond their comfort zones into learning zones where they can take healthy risks and have productive dialogues centered on peace and humanity. A place where shalom meets salaam.

Embrace.

Twenty-Five Paths to Happiness

"Happiness depends upon ourselves."

- Aristotle -

Maybe it's not about finding one road that leads us in the direction of happiness, but about creating an endless array of paths.

 ONE. Watch a sunrise or sunset from start to finish.

TWO. Bake brownies for the sole purpose of licking the bowl.

THREE. Make a gift for someone.

FOUR. Take an evening walk during a fresh snowfall.

FIVE. Splurge at an art fair.

SIX. Hug an animal.

SEVEN. Tell people that you love them.

EIGHT. Travel the world without any particular expectations.

NINE. Go for a run in the rain.

TEN. Try a new cuisine.

ELEVEN. Watch reruns of 90s TV shows.

TWELVE. Live by the agree-to-disagree philosophy.

THIRTEEN. Make a scrapbook or photo album and relive the memories.

FOURTEEN. Volunteer not out of concern for your resume, but out of concern for the well-being of others.

FIFTEEN. Develop a (healthy) habit...

SIXTEEN. And break an unhealthy one.

SEVENTEEN. Share genuine laughter with another person.

EIGHTEEN.  Show gratitude toward your parents.

NINETEEN. Curl up with a blanket and a bestselling novel.

TWENTY. Choose to forgive, and refuse to let isolated incidents define and destroy healthy, fulfilling relationships.

TWENTY-ONE. Have a conversation with God.

TWENTY-TWO. Strive for a career based on contentment, not income.

TWENTY-THREE. Play a musical instrument.

TWENTY-FOUR. Take a walk in someone else's shoes.

TWENTY-FIVE. Never stop learning; never stop hoping; never stop being. 

Embrace.

The Duty to Bear Love

"Prejudice is a burden that confuses the past, 
threatens the future, and renders the present inaccessible."

- Maya Angelou -

Last week, I had the opportunity to be a part of an amazingly creative and thought-provoking project on campus: Tunnel of Oppression. A cast from diverse backgrounds spent hours rehearsing and preparing for a theatrical exploration of the countless everyday forms of oppression that exist in society. I performed my poem, "Kaleidoscope," for a scene on Islamophobia. When I wrote this piece last May, it was loosely inspired by personal experience, but I purposely left the identity of the narrator vague and implicit so that many people could connect with the subject matter at large - that of being judged prematurely based on your appearance or a misguided first impression. 

Kaleidoscope was and is a metaphor for human complexity. We're colorful, dynamic, and multidimensional. A single glance is not sufficient for producing an accurate portrait of a person. Her beliefs, fears, ambitions, personality... her life story remains virtually unknown. People mistake what you are for who you are.

The thing is, Tunnel could not have arrived at a better time. The sociopolitical atmosphere is ripe with ignorance and prejudice. One click of the mouse and one glance at the front page headlines reveal cases like Shaima Alawadi and Trayvon Martin - tragedies that should never have occurred, but most likely will again. A woman was beaten to death for her hijab and Muslim identity, and a young man was shot for the color of his skin and his decision to wear a hooded sweatshirt. Passers-by prejudged and misjudged and acted out of hatred. Ignorance bred hatred, and hatred bred violence. Now we're left with injustice.

In our country's history, there has been a great deal of discussion on the right to bear arms. I have no objection to the general notion of self-defense, and I recognize that guns can be useful for some Americans, such as seasonal hunters. I even admit that I participated in (and enjoyed) riflery during a summer camp years ago. But I think the emphasis placed on this right has gotten out of control and has overshadowed an important responsibility.

The duty to bear love.

More important than an American right is a duty to humanity. It transcends national borders and knows no color, language, religion, disability, or sexual orientation. Each of us lives in a web of privilege and oppression, and it's up to us to acknowledge it and let this consciousness fuel love and acceptance, not hate. Maybe you could have been Trayvon, or I could have been Shaima. But we're all human. 

Isn't that enough?


Embrace.