Vibrant Conviction

"Questions of science, science and progress, do not speak as loud as my heart."

- Coldplay -

What's living without hopefulness or a belief in something? I'm beginning to think that it's our very nature - the human spirit itself - that craves faith and tirelessly searches for ways to generate it. We take even the smallest grain of sand in hopes of building a castle or perhaps an entire seashore. Some might consider this a pitiful act. Why should people waste a lifetime looking for meaning and purpose, having faith in a plan with an outcome of which they can never be sure. But I don't label these as "wasted" minutes; the moments from which we derive hope are the most powerful of all. The vast majority of life circumstances are beyond our control, but we still have the ability to shape our attitudes and our perceptions. Without faith, life lacks meaning, and I'm not speaking in a solely religious context. Do you believe in science? Do you believe in love? Then you believe in something, and regardless of whether or not you attribute that something to a Higher Power, you allow it to touch you, change you, and paint your life with meaning.

"Vibrant Conviction" 

A thousand colors interwoven 

Create the fabric that I cling to

A design of my heart's patience

This patchwork fabric of me and you

Sunset magentas and snowfall silvers

Decorate a canvas by memory

Living colors that remain absolutely vivid

Like the rhythm of my heartstrings

I can't shake this conviction

That which is irreplaceable and true

Store it in a box like old children's books

And let it collect dust till it's overdue

I choose to thank God for this hope
For the limitless blue skies, so high
That rise above us on a summer's day
A prayer carried by the breeze, a sigh

I dream of peace and contentment
Hues of hazel and evergreen
With hands raised up, palms facing the clouds
I bear my soul to the Unseen

Embracing The Plan's endless possibilities

I won't succumb to dull shades of gray

I hold a belief, a hope, that colors my world

A feeling that fuels my faith.

Subhan'Allah

"When I admire the wonders of a sunset or the beauty of the moon, 

my soul expands in the worship of the Creator." 

- Gandhi -

"Glory be to God." This is the meaning captured by the Arabic phrase Subhan'Allah. Over the years, I've begun to understand Gandhi's remark with increasing insight - the way in which God's Creation is a direct manifestation of His Grace and Glory. We spend so much time complaining about the small hassles and inconveniences of our daily lives, so I love those moments when you're in complete awe of the world's beauty because they practically scream "Shut up!" to a mind that is constantly on-the-go and ceaselessly manufacturing further complaints. We may walk around with our eyes wide open, but we can't really see if our hearts and souls are clasped shut. Sincere appreciation of the wonders of the world, both big and small, helps us to know God and to cultivate our faith and gratitude. Above each photograph, I wrote down a word that comes to mind.

 Love.

 

[www.kyleray.net]

 Wonder.

[www.telegraph.co.uk]

Knowledge.

 [www.bostonglobe.com]

Patience. 

[www.bostonglobe.com]

Growth.

 [www.blog.canghuixu.com]

Perseverance.

[www.bostonglobe.com]

Hope. 

[www.designzzz.com]

Laughter.

[www.livewellwomen.wordpress.com]

Resilience.

 [www.donw.hubpages.com]

Trust.

[www.fakebearheads.com]

Coexistence.

 [www.dailymail.co.uk]

Peace.

 [www.sky-wallpaper.com]

(Detroit) Magnificence.

[www.forum.dvdtalk.com]

Embrace.

Refuge

“Allah says: ‘I am just as My slave thinks I am, and I am with him if he remembers Me. If he remembers Me in himself, I, too, remember him in Myself; and if he remembers Me in a group of people, I remember him in a group that is better than they; and if he comes one span nearer to Me, I go one cubit nearer to him; and if he comes one cubit nearer to Me, I got a distance of outstretched arms nearer to him; and if he comes to Me walking, I go to him running.”

- The Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) -  

[Hadith Qudsi] 

"Refuge"

Nur

I seek refuge in Your Light

I've been lying in the shade for far too long

Ignoring the beaming beauty of the song

Produced by those who faithfully recite Your words

Awaken

Release me from these chains

Imprisoned by worldly disappointment and regret

The triviality that seduces, then fails to protect

When all I need is something real to hold onto

Create

You molded and shaped me

Yet I continued to fight Your art

Searching for contentment beyond the soul, the heart

And wrestling with every brushstroke and hue

Reveal

Clear the hesitation that fogs the mirror

Remove the blinders that obstruct my vision

The distractions that steer and misdirect my decisions

Preventing me from seeing who I am

Inspire

You've brought me to this here and now

Given me the chance to humble my body and mind

To call to You in my imperfect rhythm and rhyme

But with my forehead pressed to the ground, I know You're here.

The Anti-Ignorance Law

"Where ignorance is our master, there is no possibility of real peace. "

- Dalai Lama -

[retrieved from muslimmatters.org] 

It's troubling to me when I see the human mind go to waste. We've been given a brilliant and powerful tool, and we often misuse it.

Since June, Michigan State Rep. Dave Agema has been pushing for anti-Sharia legislation, following a growing trend that has spread like wildfire across the U.S. Sharia refers to Islamic Law, and it's something frequently misunderstood by the general public. Islam is considered a way of life, and subsequently, this religious law encompasses all aspects of life - from issues of criminal law to everyday issues involving prayer times and dietary restrictions. It is far more complex (and far more similar to the U.S. Constitution, if you listen to scholars and academics) than its depiction by popular media and misinformed politicians suggests.

Agema claims that the "vast majority" of Muslim immigrants "come to this country to get away from Sharia." My questions are the following:

1. Has he personally spoken with the "vast majority" of Muslims?

2. Does he understand that one must distinguish between correlation and causation? (Yep, I'm bringing up the correlation does not equal causation mantra we've all been taught fifty times throughout our high school and college careers)

Perhaps Muslims come to this country to escape poverty, violence, and oppression. Perhaps they come to America because they are tired of corrupt governments and patriarchal societies that are cultural, rather than religious, in nature. And this applies not only to Muslims, but also to immigrants and/or refugees from non-Muslim nations. People constantly look to the Middle East and assume that corrupt, power-hungry leaders who rule for decades or small groups of 9/11-sympathizing extremists are representative of all Muslims and reflective of Islamic teachings. This horribly inaccurate assumption seems to haunt the American Muslim community.

Certain countries may claim to exercise Sharia-based rulings, but wind up oppressing citizens because of their own political and economic interests. It's unfortunate that the media tends to focus solely on nations who call themselves "Islamic" and simultaneously contradict this status with their actions. Some regions with Sharia may have human and civil rights violations, but we need to recognize this for what it is: a correlation and not a cause-and-effect relationship. Sharia, based on the Qur'an and the Sunnah (life example of the Prophet Muhammad, peace be upon him), is not causing leaders to massacre innocent people or stone women for fleeing abusive husbands. 

The sad part is that immigrants or refugees who come to America may be leaving one form of oppression behind and receiving another form in exchange: Prejudicial rhetoric and discriminatory practices of "proud" Americans trying to keep our wonderful Constitution in its place. Is that how they're welcomed?

The law proposed by Agema and others is illogical, insulting, and frankly, a form of religious discrimination. Although he continuously discusses the bill in terms of Muslims and Sharia, he is careful not to include either of these words in the formal write-up. The consequence of this is that it potentially targets all who follow some form of religious law. Where is the logic in establishing a law that, as stated by civil rights blogger Adam Serwer, "would prevent courts from enforcing 'a foreign law if doing so would violate a right guaranteed by the constitution of this state or of the United States'"? Remember that document called the Constitution? I think it's already got that covered.

Many Muslims are American citizens; many are even born and raised in this country. We embrace our dual identity as American Muslims and value the freedom we have, including the right to freely practice our religion. Sharia is not something to be feared, and everyone, Muslims and non-Muslims alike, could benefit from learning more about it. Trust me when I say that your Muslim neighbors are NOT conspiring to take over the country, implement Sharia, and impose Islamic Law on non-Muslims.

"Nothing in the world is more dangerous than sincere ignorance and conscientious stupidity." - Martin Luther King, Jr.

With that said, I'd like to propose my own bill: The Anti-Ignorance Law. Representative Agema is an example of what happens when ignorant individuals have access to resources and education, yet fail to take advantage of this. They have a tool between their ears that becomes virtually useless.

I vow to continue to expand my knowledge of humanity. To learn from those who are different from me and to refrain from passing judgment when I am ignorant. To keep my eyes, ears, and heart wide open, because only then will we know how to love.

Embrace.

Remembering Hope

"Clouds come floating into my life, no longer to carry rain or usher storm, 

but to add color to my sunset sky."

- Rabindranath Tagore -

A week from today is the 10th anniversary of a national tragedy with international consequences. It's easy to recall a disaster with sorrow and resentment and much harder to reflect on such an event in a way that allows us to grow and move forward. But right here, right now, I believe that is what we need most.

I didn't lose a loved one as a result of 9/11, and my heart will forever be saddened for those who did. In writing this, I have no desire to pour salt on the wounds of the families affected by this atrocity by telling them to cease mourning over their losses; instead, I want to sprinkle water, if only little by little, so we can cleanse ourselves and choose to remember something far greater than flames and bloodshed.

Hope.

It's been buried beneath rubble for nearly a decade, and we're still searching for it. A few weeks back, I attended a candlelight vigil for a classmate who had passed away unexpectedly. What struck me the most was the quiet energy and strength present that night. Even with a moment of silence and a slight chill in the air, we found a reason for celebration. We laughed. A lot. Friends, teachers, and classmates told stories and chose to focus on the positive difference this individual made in so many lives.

Today, I watched a segment on Sunday Morning that focused on the spouses, children, and colleagues of people who died in the World Trade Center. The victims and their families represented all racial/ethnic and religious backgrounds. It didn't matter that they differed in appearance or faith; they had all been touched by a single event in history and were all struggling to move on. One story focused on a Muslim woman and her children - a woman who has probably received suspicious glances at airports because of 9/11, but who in fact lost her own husband that day. Their son was born just two days after the attacks. Another was a Latina woman and her two daughters. One daughter was inspired to become a NYC police officer; the other is in training to become a pilot. Even ten years later, people are still wrestling with tragedy and reaching for hope.

On September 11th, don't point fingers. 

Non-Muslims: Do not turn your back on your Muslim neighbors and blame Islam for an act of violence most do not condone and are not connected with. 

Muslims: Do not play on the defense and allow yourself to grow bitter over the assumption that you're a constant target; try to empathize with others and use it as an opportunity to educate others on Islam and foster understanding.

Americans: Come together. Witness our common humanity and the power of resilience.

If you expect me to warn against letting your emotions get the better of you, you're mistaken. Do just that. Let love, happiness, empathy, compassion, and gratitude get the very best of you. And never stop hoping.

Embrace.

Timeless Gratitude

"For her, every day was the same, and when each day is the same as the next, 

it's because people fail to recognize the good things that happen in their lives 

every day that the sun rises."

- The Alchemist -

[All rights reserved. Please do not copy without permission.]
 

How often do you stop and smell the roses? My recent trip to Europe gave new meaning to this old expression, as I realized that the recognition of and appreciation for the beauty of life is something sans expiration date. 

Wait a second... Didn't you just publish a post outlining your bucket list?  

Yeah, that's right. I made a list of things I'd like to do or achieve before my life in this world comes to an end. The thing is, I believe in the afterlife and the potential to witness the beauty of God's creation eternally. The Holy Month of Ramadan is quickly approaching, and by making physical sacrifices throughout the month, we can transcend these basic needs (food, water, sex) and work on fulfilling our spiritual ones. After all, our spirituality and taqwa will determine our position in the Hereafter.

For me, fasting serves three main purposes: To celebrate and commemorate the first revelation sent to the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him), which Muslims believe occurred during the lunar month of Ramadan; to discipline ourselves and learn patience, gratitude, empathy, and compassion; and to act as a reminder that our character is the one thing for which we are judged, so we must constantly work on improving it.

I find that gratitude is one of the greatest lessons reaped from fasting. It only seems natural that, having given something up, we would then feel more thankful for its presence in our life. And perhaps the act of sacrificing something basic and essential like water helps us appreciate that which isn’t essential for survival, yet enhances our contentment beyond measure, like the company of good friends.

Traveling to Europe this summer was absolutely wonderful, and as I recall two of my favorite memories, I view them as spiritual signs. In London, we spent an evening in the borough of Westminster, by Big Ben and the Thames River. We rode the London Eye, a Ferris wheel-like structure used for sight-seeing, and had a breathtaking view of the city at dusk. I watched the progression of the sunset as buildings lit up and the city exuded a paradoxically hushed energy. Gazing at the river with its deep navy hue, I felt the breeze brush against my scarf and listened to the harmony created by countless tongues. There was something so awesome about the cultural diversity present in London and at that moment, especially. All of us, though different in appearance, faith, and spoken language, were sharing this experience.

[All rights reserved. Please do not copy without permission.]

"And among His Signs is the creation of the heavens and the earth and the variations in your languages and your colors: Verily in that are Signs for those who reflect." (30:22)

Our first full day in Ireland was spent taking a scenic drive around the Dingle Peninsula along the country's western coastline. The sunshine and 70-degree weather produced a perfect photo-op, and the greens and blues in the pictures below are unedited. There isn't a more pleasant surprise than driving up a winding country road and pulling over to face a real-life painting.

 [All rights reserved. Please do not copy without permission.]

"See you not that Allah sends down rain from the sky, and forthwith the earth becomes clothed with green? For Allah is All-Subtle, All-Aware." (22:63)

The beauty of life goes on, extending from earth to Paradise, and so should our gratitude. It's a timeless virtue and something to be exercised well beyond Ramadan. This holy period might last only one month, but our empathy for those less fortunate than us and our gratitude for all the blessings we have should last a lifetime.

"If you would count up the favors of Allah, never would you be able to number them, for Allah is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful." (16:18)

Looking at the beauty surrounding me in all its forms eases my mind, purifies my heart, and brings peace to my soul. And for that, I'm forever grateful.

Embrace.

A Bucket Half Full

"We're all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars."

- Oscar Wilde -

Is the glass half empty or half full?

We've all heard this expression from time to time - a kind of metaphor for one's outlook on life. I, for one, have decided to adopt the half-full philosophy. In high school, I discovered that I was prone to stress and anxiety. But over the years, I've learned that this worrying is usually unnecessary. Maybe the world didn't end in May, and maybe it won't for thousands or millions of years. Maybe my life won't end as the earth is swallowed up whole, but as I'm driving, lying in a hospital bed, or sleeping comfortably at home. The point is: We don't know exactly when or how life ends, and we don't need to. All we need to know is that we've been given this precious chance to live and should make the most of it.

As a Muslim, I believe in the afterlife, but I recognize that we all have different conceptions and accept different interpretations depending on our faith, and some of us may not accept the notion of the Hereafter at all. So whether you believe in a Higher Power, in raw science, or in the good of humanity, I pray that we have many more healthy years to come and propose that we live these years to the fullest. So here's a draft of my personal bucket list, but one created out of hope and optimism. Dare I say, a bucket half full. 

Train for a half-marathon.

I like staying in shape, but college has made it difficult at times. I danced and ran track for years, so physical activity was a regular part of my schedule, but now it's hard with classes, papers, volunteer work, student organization meetings & events, and until recently, my research position. A half-marathon would be an accomplishment and a way to stay healthy - physically and mentally. 

Spend the rest of my life in love.

I don't care about diamonds or lavish gifts and getaways one bit, but I am a hopeless romantic when it comes to affection. I want to marry someone who's my best friend, and I want to have a real love in an idealistic way. What does that mean? It means that I want a love where the two of us are imperfect and have to endure trials, but our love is what enables us to overcome any obstacle.

Make the Hajj.
This pilgrimage is a duty upon every Muslim who is physically and financially able. It's the ultimate spiritual journey, in a literal and metaphorical sense. I want to be left in awe by the tangible presence of God and the company of diverse Muslims from all around the world. 

Become bilingual. 
Okay, so this is strictly wishful thinking. I doubt I will ever be bilingual; however, I would like to be very proficient in another language. If I consider all my semesters of French, they amount to almost 4 years, but I fear there aren't enough avid French speakers running around to allow me to maintain the level I was at this year. Est-ce que j'aurai une chance? Peut-être... 

Master patience. 
"So lose not heart, nor fall into despair, for you must gain mastery if you are true in faith." (3:139)

Travel to Santorini, Greece and dip my bare feet into the Mediterranean Sea.
The unmistakable white architecture and the pure, teal water. I've seen it countless times in photographs and on movie screens, but I want to experience the beauty for myself. France, Italy, Thailand, and South Africa are also on my list. World traveler in the making?

Touch someone's life.
I've always known that I want a career where I can help others. For a long time, that meant becoming a teacher. Having been convinced that secondary education was my path, I found it a little unnerving when I had a change of heart shortly before coming to college. But now, as I continue to delve into psychology and religious studies, I've realized that my dream of helping others can take on a different form: mental health counseling and social work. I hope to earn a Master's of Social Work after I complete my undergrad and begin a career where I can exercise empathy, experience diversity, and gain intrinsic satisfaction for helping another person.

Perform a poem.
Over the years, I've dabbled in songwriting and poetry, but experimentation with slam poetry has been a recent phenomenon. If I can muster up the courage someday, I'd like to share my artistic expression with others. 

Forgive.
Not just let it roll off my back and pretend that I don't care about it anymore, when really I'll remain bitter for months or years. Actually forgive. Accept. Let it go... and not let it creep back into my mind or my heart. A little laughter and forgiveness may be the best remedy for a broken soul.

Make my house into a home.
I adore that indescribable "homey" feeling, and my future house must possess it. Along with some paintings, scented candles, really comfy couches, and my piano, I want there to be that warmth present - you know, the kind that surrounds you as you snuggle up with a good book or movie, listen to rain or watch the snow fall, and just spend hours in the company of your loved ones.

Write a book. 
I like words and the feelings they elicit, and I like things that make you reflect. I'd love to put together a book of short essays drawn from and inspired by life experiences. Something that's real, like a memoir, but that doesn't make me sound nearly as self-important. I'm not looking to write some autobiography because that doesn't interest me, and I doubt people would want to read it; instead, it would be cool to write about things I've learned. Maybe a little bit like this blog. If I ever tried fiction, it might be something similar to Jhumpa Lahiri's (I love her!) collections of short stories. But I don't know that I have the talent for fiction...

Teach my kids about courtesy and acceptance.
Faith is important. So are trust and communication. Know that beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and know that I think you're beautiful just the way you are. Never be afraid to stand up for what you believe in, but always keep an open mind and agree to disagree. Accept and respect others because God is the only rightful judge. Oh, and rudeness has no place in this home or world, so for goodness' sake, have some manners.

Embrace.

Ataqullah

 "I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, 

but people will never forget how you made them feel."

- Maya Angelou - 

Sometimes, I'm afraid that I'll be left behind. Perhaps a loved one will move forward and begin composing a new memoir, but my character will no longer play a role, and previous chapters will be misplaced or forgotten. It isn't an intense fear that overwhelms or debilitates me, or that hinders me from having wonderful and fulfilling relationships with others; rather, it's a tiny insecurity that rests in the back of my mind. A very natural insecurity, I suppose - part of the human condition. After all, most of us want to love and be loved in return, and at one time or another, we probably have felt or will feel sadness at the prospect of losing someone.

I can tell you (and sometimes quote lines from) conversations I had with friends early on in elementary school. I remember when and where various conversations have happened while growing up - maybe even what I was wearing at a certain moment in time. Even so, colors gradually fade. We start to forget, or simply misremember, the particular words and actions of others and ourselves. 

But what about the big picture?

I believe in Angelou's words, but this same concept fuels my fear. What if a person I care about doesn't recall my love and compassion? Sometimes I'm scared that, not only will my specific words and actions be forgotten, but also the feelings they once elicited.

We live in a fast-paced world and a society characterized by ambition, competition, and "leaving your mark." On the one hand, so many of us are striving for a good education and for opportunities that will allow us to make a significant difference in the world. Being busy helping others or growing spiritually and intellectually is nothing to fret over. But it worries me that we can't or don't always pencil in time for those we care about.

Ataqullah is an Arabic term meaning "Be conscious of Allah (God) in your heart." The more implicit meaning is twofold. It's often used in the form taqwa, which refers to God-consciousness or piety. Humans are to fear God and to remember that He knows everything, including our hidden thoughts and intentions. This is meant to deter us from poor judgment and sinful actions, but to me, there's another part to the definition. Yes, we should be conscious of God's closeness so we avoid wrongdoing, but we should also be conscious of His closeness simply to remind ourselves that we're not alone and that, no matter how difficult life seems to get, He's right here and ready to listen.

I guess that's why Quaker theologian D. Elton Trueblood said, "Faith is not belief without proof, but trust without reservation." We need to trust that everything will be okay. That there's a reason why you love(d) someone and he or she loves(ed) you back. That this love has meaning and purpose.

You trust God, and you trust others with your heart. You allow yourself to become vulnerable. To me, that's a beautiful thing. I don't want to be a Barbie or robot, fake and vapid. I want to be a living, breathing, feeling human being.

Maybe we're scared that we'll end up alone. But we're never alone if we trust because God is always close by. Remember Him, be the best person you can be, and constantly give love. And hope that others will remember you for it.

Embrace.

The Hijab Diaries

"To be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting."

- E.E. Cummings -

[retrieved from techbanyan.com]

I refuse to wear the hijab for others, whether it's due to pressure from members of the Muslim community, a desire to conform my identity, or some assumed "responsibility" on the part of a woman to ease the sexual burden placed on men; I also refuse to not put it on because of others, whether it's to alleviate the discomfort and fear of the non-Muslim community or to prevent potential prejudice or discrimination. I will not change myself because of your standards, expectations, or personal biases - whatever they may be. My decision is between me and God. Nobody else. 

For me, the scarf is a form of empowerment. As Muslims, we're taught that God judges us solely on our character. He doesn't judge us based on our appearance, our wealth, or any other worldly element in which we tend to get caught up. The scarf serves as a constant reminder of what is most important and what deserves my energy and my focus: who I am. Not what I am.

I'm Caucasian. I'm short. I'm middle-class. I'm a woman. 

I'm not ashamed of this at all, but your opinion of me shouldn't rest on these descriptions. Your judgment shouldn't reflect that over which I have no control. But I do have control over my attitude and the kind of person I am and want to be. God continues to introduce new settings and characters into my story, and I continue to respond. I grow and change. I succeed and fail. And all the while, He knows what's in my heart. He knows what I have done and what I will do. Now it's time for me to play my part.

I won't engage in a monumental debate over the hijab and try to defend every Muslim woman who wears, or doesn't wear, the scarf. It's a deeply personal choice, and I can only speak sincerely on my behalf. You shouldn't fall prey to the assumption that Islam is a monolithic faith and that all Muslims think, feel, and act alike. My response could never do justice to the diversity that exists within our community.

So why is she wearing the scarf? What does it mean to her? 

I can't answer these questions. Some Muslims look to the Qur'an and Sunnah (Way of the Prophet, peace be upon him) and simply believe that it's what God has prescribed, period. Others may wear the scarf because of socialization, family, and culture... or to make a feminist statement. Many women want to be modest in their wardrobe, as Islam is a religion of modesty both in terms of dress and character. Some may have experienced harassment or disrespect because of their appearance. Perhaps they have witnessed the destruction of a woman - caused by either domineering men, critical and competitive women, or media and society at large - and found that veiling removes the pressure to look perfect and the danger of being taken advantage of. Often times, the choice to wear the scarf is the result of an interplay among many factors.

"Let there be no compulsion in religion" (Qur'an 2:256). 

We choose to be Muslim. Even if we were raised in an Islamic household, at some point, we must reaffirm our faith. And at some point, a woman decides if she will wear the hijab full-time or only during worship and when attending the mosque. I've chosen to be Muslim, and now I'm choosing to wear the scarf.

I'll be honest: I don't know whether or not God has prescribed the headscarf for every woman. All I can do is focus on the English translations of the Qur'an, listen to scholarly opinions, and (most of all) talk to God. My decision is the by-product of prayer and a solid year of personal reflection on the topic. I wasn't hasty in my conversion; likewise, I have taken my time to explore the concept of the hijab and what it means to me. At the end of the day, it doesn't matter what it means to anyone else. God has a Plan, and my job is to realize what role I play.  

There were many times in the past when I wanted to wear the headscarf as a kind of "I'm a Muslim" badge, so that the non-Muslims around me would know why I had turned down their invitation to drink and party or why I had insisted on praying before we went to see a movie... and so that Muslims wouldn't shoot me funny looks when I showed up at Islamic events and gatherings. There were other times when I didn't want to wear it at all. Late in high school and even when I first came to college two years ago, prior to my actual conversion, I had immense respect for the women who chose to veil, but I couldn't imagine wearing it every day myself. I was afraid of everything from how my family and friends would perceive me to the practical consequences of the low heat tolerance I've had since childhood (scarf + 90 degrees with humidity = passing out?). Simply put... it's not always simple. I didn't want to wear or not wear the hijab for the wrong reasons. I thought and thought and thought some more. And as I got closer to taking my shahadah last July, I began to figure out and define the significance of the scarf for me. I urge you, whether you're Muslim or non-Muslim, to refrain from belittling a woman and from using the presence or absence of the headscarf as justification for gauging the faith that exists in her heart.

When I wear the hijab, I have a renewed consciousness and awareness. I'm more sensitive to my thoughts and actions toward others and the world around me. There's a chance that by putting on the scarf, I may experience more discomfort or negative treatment in certain contexts, but sometimes, doing what you feel is right doesn't mean doing something that is particularly easy. With hardship, there is relief. Let's just say I'm building my endurance.

We grow throughout our lives, and growth requires nourishment. The scarf doesn't change who I am; it helps me to remember just that. And to nourish my soul. My heart and my mind are important, and I want others to value them over superficial qualities. As E.E. Cummings said, being self-confident and owning your identity amidst all the social pressures we face is a tireless battle... but one worth fighting.

So if you love me, do so unconditionally.
Because I'm still the same hardworking, music-loving, really goofy girl.

Embrace.

Kaleidoscope

"When you judge another, you do not define them; you define yourself."

- Wayne Dyer -

I wrote this as my first attempt at slam poetry, so each line has a very distinct rhythm and emphasis. Unfortunately, I'm not sure it'll be the same on paper, but what is there to lose?

"Kaleidoscope"

Gaze.

When you look, look in me -

Not at me, not through me, not back at me as you turn your back on me and walk away

Amazed.

By the depth of your stare - 

But the lack of detail, of knowledge

So unaware of your portrait's missing hues

Allow me to cue you in:

That glance produced a mere sketch

A scribble to the right, a smudge on the left

An outline of what's inside, so out of line, access denied

Just a passerby... seeing a single shade

The green on my scarf, the white on my face

A world torn apart - seam ripped, edges frayed

All because you judged me.

Drawing preconceived notions with ignorance

Painting tainted construals of arrogance

Connecting dots using narrow-minded measurements

The product so precise, yet so inaccurate...

I'm a masterpiece.

But you stripped away my layers

Oversimplified complexity

Picked apart my colors

Dissecting my kaleidoscope being

I'm more than my style, my complexion

Full of weakness, imperfection

As strong and resilient as I am blemished...

I am human.

And you and I, we're two hearts the same

Two hearts of humanity

Two souls, two brains

But your vantage point is flawed.

See, violence is vogue; the new fashion is injustice

You wear it so well, accessorizing with destruction

As you break a person down -

As you criticize and scrutinize and hate

Or turn a blind eye and fail to relate

To reach out your hand before it's too late

Because your permanent ink will surely leave marks.

So gaze.

And when you look, look in me -

Not at me, not through me, not back at me as you turn your back on me and walk away

Be amazed.

Eyes closed and heart wide open

Learn to accept, to respect, to appreciate...

To love.