I Am

"You may not control all the events that happen to you, 
but you can decide not to be reduced by them."

- Maya Angelou -

"I Am"

I am here.

I'm not overcast skies, nor blinding sunlight

But I am somewhere in between

I'm determination that reaches mountain peaks

And love that deepens ocean floors

Complex like the physical world

I won't fit in boxes with predetermined dimensions

Crammed into darkness, stripped of senses

Within tolerance, without acceptance

Deprived of space for growth

I don't care to be tolerated

By those who crave black and white opposites

Day and night contrasts

Mutually exclusive concepts

That forever neglect context

And fuel myths of the oxymoron...
 
Like "White Muslim Feminist."

A nuanced universe requires nuanced descriptions

That exist beyond the diction

Of our common linguistics

So I communicate in colors and metaphors

For they hold more meaning than your empty words

You see my white skin

It's light shining through a prism

Comprised of endless hues

I am blue with pain

And red with hurt

But green with renewal from the earth

A caged bird now free to soar

Rise,

       Rise,

              Rising

Far above labels that served as limitations

I seek liberation from that place

Where I straddled two worlds in a futile search

For wholeness...
With a fear of time

Seeking to belong on either side of an arbitrary line

I'm not winter's bitter chill

Nor summer's still warmth

I am a symphony of rain

Living most truly where these points intersect

With the capacity to destroy and replenish

Both beautiful and absolutely imperfect,

I am here.

The Plague of Unhappiness

"Islam is spacious and has room for relaxation.  I have been sent with an easy and straightforward faith."

- The Prophet Muhammad, peace be upon him (pbuh) -
[Fiqh-us-Sunnah 2:153]

 

A viral YouTube video showing British Muslims of all ages and ethnic backgrounds bobbing up and down and jamming to Pharrell's hit song "Happy" has caused quite an uproar within the global Muslim community.  There have been praises and numerous remakes of the video around the world, as well as backlash and criticisms that are about as repetitive as the chorus of the song itself.  It is important for me to say that I am biased.  We all are, of course.  Our views on a song or video or film are just that: Our views.  Because of my own passion for music as a hobby and art form, I am therefore biased in thinking there is nothing wrong with this current rendition of "Happy."  (If you're curious about the British version of the video, check it out here.)

But aside from my musical background, I wonder why anyone would lose sleep over a project that appears to be so harmless, and dare I say, positive, in nature.  Muslims follow the Qur'an, our sacred text and the Word of God, and the Sunnah, the life example of the Prophet Muhammad (pbuh).  Because there are some reports that the Prophet (pbuh) disapproved of musical instruments beyond percussion, many Muslims among the scholarly and lay communities believe most forms of music are prohibited in Islam.  There are also numerous scholars and laypeople who believe that music is permissible as long as it is appropriate and does not denigrate women or promote promiscuity, drug use, and the likes.  Additionally, some feel that Muslims should not dance publicly, especially when gender mixing is involved.  There are no verses in the Qur'an that deal specifically with music, so much of the debate is over the Sunnah and the context of these reports.

Do people have the right to refrain from listening to music and to believe that one should not dance or play instruments?  Certainly.  I have always been a follower of the agree-to-disagree philosophy.  But many of the comments and critiques I have read go beyond the debate over musical instruments and discuss how "inappropriate" and "disgraceful" the video is.  Keep in mind that we are not talking about a bunch of Muslims bumping and grinding to a Lil Wayne tune filled with crudeness and profanity; we are talking about people (including children and older adults) smiling, laughing, and tapping their feet to a song that promotes happiness and self-confidence and was created for a children's animated film.

For me, this uproar brings to the forefront many themes that leave me feeling discouraged as I continue my journey as a Muslim convert.  More often than not, I see a kind of harshness and rigidity plaguing our community.  The unhappiness with "Happy" is part of an overall trend that encompasses criticism, judgment, and narrow-mindedness.  Perhaps it is not discontent that plagues us, so much as disconnect... from God, from ourselves, from the authenticity of spiritual journeys.  Are we so stuck moving in compulsive, robotic motions that we cannot engage in (respectful) intellectual discussions or take into consideration individual intention and historical context?

"They are the losers, those who make the religion hard and tough.  They imperil themselves, who enforce tough practices of Islam.  They destroy themselves, those who are extreme."

- The Prophet (pbuh) -

[Muslim] 

Have we forgotten about the flexibility and the numerous interpretations within our deen (way of life)?  Have we forgotten about cultural diversity and the accessibility of Islam across space and time?  Have we forgotten about mercy and kindness of words?  Have we forgotten that God, not us, is the Judge of hearts and souls and the Most Gracious, Most Merciful?

"Be kind, for whenever kindness becomes part of something, it beautifies it.  Whenever it is taken from something, it leaves it tarnished."

- The Prophet (pbuh) -

 [Bukhari]

 When I see more enthusiastic dialogue erupt over music or the plucking of eyebrows than issues of oppression and social justice (i.e. domestic violence), character development, and one's relationship with God, I feel that the moment is ripe for a reassessment of priorities.  I am quite tired of the Us vs. Them mentality that creates divisions among Muslims and between Muslim and non-Muslim communities.  The argument that Muslims are "conforming" to "Western" ways, adopting their music and their modes of self-expression, is ludicrous in my eyes.  Islam is not a monolithic tradition, and as someone who is both Muslim and "Western" in ethnic and cultural background, I find claims of conformity to be artificial, unproductive, and a tad bit insulting.

"So we have to act like them in order to receive their approval?  This singing, dancing and lack of respect for the hijab and how it is to be worn is very sad.  None of this is from islaam [Islam], islaam [Islam] is free from this stupidity."

(An example comment from YouTube)

"In order to counter the propaganda against the Deen, you don't have to dance to their tune (pun intended)! Totally shameful and appalling."

(Example comment #2)  

"Wow FEAR ALLAH! You lot are acting like kufr! This is a big sign! This is Haram.... Astagfirullah you idiots..."

(Example comment #3 - Note that kufr is used here to refer to disbelievers, and astagfirullah is used to seek forgiveness from God)

When I studied and embraced Islam, I felt it was a liberating experience.  The practices were infused with emotional and spiritual meaning, and the theological, as well as legal, concepts seemed very logical and rational.  But I find the rigidity restrictive and imprisoning, when processes of self-expression and self-exploration are smacked with haram (forbidden) labels and one's status as a Muslim is suddenly called into question.  The negative impact has reached me, and I fear it may be contagious, an epidemic seeping through the cracks of the masajid (mosques)... creeping into our homes... leaving our hearts infected.

And then what will remain?

Bittersweet

"Tell your heart that the fear of suffering is worse than the suffering itself.  And that no heart has ever suffered when it goes in search of its dreams, because every second of the search is a second's encounter with God and with eternity."

- From The Alchemist -

(Personal Photo: Please do not copy without permission)

"Bittersweet"

I've been dreaming in color

Magenta sunset clouds

Silvery purple snowfall skies

But in real life, it feels like black and white

Like ancient times

Since we've shared laughter or songs

Brief walks, long talks

Sincere thoughts not comprised of

Phrases like Band-Aids

A temporary fix

Serving only to sugarcoat

Not to heal wounds beneath the surface

When do moments become memories,

And memories just scrap paper?

A box that was once a treasure chest

Now piles of letters and photographs

My head's in the future

My heart's in the past

And the Present, is a no-man's land

It's like playing pretend all over again

Adapting a child's imagination

To fit this time and this space I am faced with

A bittersweet taste when clichés 

Are taken down like coffee

Forced to swallow a stronger and darker reality

But you know what they say...

Better than never having experienced love

Is to have loved and lost

But a person isn't like a doll

There's no price tag defining his value or worth

No space in closets or drawers when there's unbearable hurt

To store, until needed, that love and comfort...

Yet perhaps the sentiment isn't all that different

After all, we create meaning

And attach significance

And in the midst of change, we find our constant

And over time, we outgrow objects...

And sometimes, people, too.

Lessons aren't always learned inside classrooms

Where we learn how to deliver well-rehearsed lines

But not how to convey and describe

The joy or heartbreak one has brought to our lives

Where we're taught basic rules of arithmetic

But not how "1+1" doesn't always equal 2 elements

When "1+1" can still feel like loneliness

And where we memorize bonds and chemical properties

But fail to comprehend human chemistry

The strength of connections as they ebb and flow endlessly

Sometimes God's the best teacher

And the universe, the best setting...

We walk toward forgiveness

But stumble on forgetting

All the pain that's bottled up

And stored at room temperature

That lingers long after we thought it was empty

Hollow like my heart feels

Though I know my soul is whole, and it longs to heal

I've been dreaming in color...

Gazing into familiar eyes

Hearing a voice that once evoked a smile

And now echoes in the distance

As I awake to sunlight

And await the vibrant colors of a new life.

Deconstructing Urban Dictionaries

"Knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom."

- Aristotle -

Let's talk about sex.  

No, I'm not referencing a 90s song by Salt-n-Pepa, nor am I quitting my day job to write for Cosmopolitan.  You won't find a list below outlining "101 Ways to Pleasure Your Man."

A while back, I wrote a post about the beauty of language and the way in which our popular culture perpetuates the misuse of words ("gay" to mean stupid) and the use of derogatory labels ("retard," "pussy").  As someone who writes poetry and attempts to compose meaningful blog posts, I find it frustrating that so many people use language thoughtlessly.  In particular, my heart sinks, and my blood at times boils, when I read or overhear the conversations of many young adults from my generation.

Returning to the first sentence of this post, I wonder why the concept of a "prude" ever became so wildly mainstream.  This is not something I discussed in my original post, but it is a topic that has bothered me since adolescence.  Although I don't hear the word explicitly used as often as in high school, it seems like the idea is still alive and well.  Students, as well as post-grads, are made to feel inferior because of what they do, or don't do, in the bedroom.  There is a warped belief that a lack of sexual activity means there is something wrong with you or that you are somehow "missing out" on the authentic young adult experience.  You mean you've never gotten wasted at a party and slept with a total stranger?  How can you even call yourself a college student?

There is also a prevailing notion that the more sexual experiences you have had, and the more people you have had those experiences with, the better you must be with intimacy.  Somehow, all of these undressed moments will strengthen your future marriage and make your sex life, as well as your overall partnership, that much stronger and simpler.  If someone waits to sleep with a long-term significant other or chooses to abstain from sex until marriage, suddenly that individual becomes a prude. 

When did this choice become associated with something negative?  People who wait to have sex or limit sex to just one partner are sometimes viewed as immature, as being afraid and intimidated by sex or having low self-esteem.  The irony is that many of these individuals are assertive and self-confident adults who hold mature attitudes toward intimacy - maybe more so than some of their peers.  After all, it always seemed to me that the students who used terms like "prude" to put others down were the very same ones who laughed endlessly when "penis" made its way into health class discussions.

What some young adults come to recognize is that sex is rarely just sex.  It is a part of something so much greater.  If you can't discuss your needs with your partner and can't consider the potential short-term and long-term effects of sex (mental, emotional, physical, financial, etc.), you probably shouldn't be having it.  Regardless of whether you adhere to any kind of spiritual or religious path, sex is more than a simple string of acts.  It's about human connection, social contact, and our cognition and emotional states.  It's related to health and well-being, and it can both alleviate and create stress.  Sex is a normal and beautiful component of intimacy, but trust, comfort, communication, self-respect, and respect for one's partner are other - often indispensable - ingredients.  Sex is different with every person, so many sexual experiences do not necessarily serve as a prerequisite for a fulfilling sex life with one's future spouse.

My purpose here is not to judge my fellow twenty-somethings for the little or lot they've experienced, nor to self-disclose any of my past experiences with intimacy; the gasoline that fuels my frustration is the act of labeling people and defining them based on their personal decisions regarding sex.  With that being said, I also think we must refrain from equally harmful terms like "slut" or "whore."  In the end, we all embark on unique journeys characterized by exploration and self-discovery.  Don't assume one is abnormal just because one's journey places a different emphasis on sex or supports a different timing for it.  

Every day, we come to know ourselves a little better, and part of that process is figuring out what's meaningful to, and healthy for, us.  Let's respect the journey and abandon the urban dictionary era where we place people in oversimplified categories that are offensive and that cause us to reap more harm than benefit. 

Embrace.