Think Before You Speak: More Than an Adage

"A small group of thoughtful people could change the world.
Indeed, it's the only thing that ever has."

- Margaret Mead -

Gay. Retard. Pussy.

Communication bridges gaps between human beings and is essential for expression and useful for empathy. But words can also be detrimental. They serve another purpose sometimes - a less noble cause. Sometimes they break down barriers, but other times, they break down people.

There were some trends of the 90s and early 2000s that we'd all like to forget. No, I am not at all referencing the pop culture; I will forever adore the jams, the Nickelodean cartoons, the family-friendly sitcoms, and the classic Disney films. I may be referring to some of the questionable fashion choices that I, and others, made. But I have to admit that, like most kids in my generation, I once participated in some trendy behaviors that were much more severe in nature and in consequence than the decision to wear a hideous yellow polka jumpsuit on the first day of 4th grade. 

Words like "gay" and "retard" crept into our colloquial vocabulary and were used inaccurately and inappropriately. These terms were adopted and tainted with negative connotations, and soon, they were used as jokes and insults at the expense of many. People were both directly and indirectly affected. On the one hand, we might call a thing or situation "gay" if we don't like it, which hurt some individuals who identified with the LBGTQ community because we made "gay" a synonym for "bad" or "uncool." Some also used derogatory terms like "fag." On the other hand, we might call someone "retarded" to mock their intelligence or athletic ability, thus implying that individuals with mental disabilities are stupid, inferior, and lack talents and skills.

I am so incredibly thankful that I never really engaged in bullying as a child, but unfortunately, many people have been perpetrators or victims. And, even if you have not directly bullied another individual, that doesn't justify or legitimize the inappropriate use of "gay" or "retarded" in a social context. I remember making these kinds of statements in casual conversation among friends early on in middle school ("That's so retarded!"), but I also remember becoming enlightened and realizing that, even though I had never once intended for it to be offensive, it inherently was. It was a horrible linguistic habit I had to break, and I'm happy to say that I did and that it's been years since I've used such a phrase.

For months now, I've been wanting to write a post about mindful use of language. It continually simmered on my creative and cognitive back burner as I wrote about other topics. But it was always present, and it's come to the forefront in recent months. The timing of this is quite relevant, as I just learned about Ann Coulter's use of the word "retard" on Twitter and the letter that Special Olympics athlete and global messenger John Franklin Stephens composed in response (check it out: http://specialolympicsblog.wordpress.com/2012/10/23/an-open-letter-to-ann-coulter/). 

It's also come to mind time and time again that terms describing women's genitalia have been used to mock friends or rival sports teams. I can't explain the anger I feel when I hear a guy call someone a "pussy" - or, for that matter, the disappointment I feel when I hear a girl say something like this. I don't even like when that word is used to refer to sexual activity, let alone used synonymously with "weak," "wimp," or "coward." In all fairness, we probably shouldn't use "dick" or really any anatomical feature as an insult. Since when did we decide that neutral terms for the human body were useful for expressing our disgust and humiliating or putting down others?

Words are beautiful, powerful, vivid. They've provided a means of communication and produced multiple art forms. Yet they are misused and leave people mistreated. We've all heard "think before you speak" and "think before you act," but it's about time we listen to this advice and put it into practice. A compilation of words is not all that we are, but these terms do help us make sense of ourselves and those around us. Be mindful of language and be thoughtful toward others. Black, white, brown, male, female, man, woman, questioning, tall, petite, wealthy, poor, gay, straight, religious, secular...

Whoever you are, know that whatever you are, whatever labels people use, whatever descriptive words people employ (whether employed appropriately or in a derogatory manner)... Know that you are loved and that you matter.

Embrace.